dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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