I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
