i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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