The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
