i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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