I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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