Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
