Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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