I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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