Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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