I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
