the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
