saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
