I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
