respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize