Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
