If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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