i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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