Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
