ADVERTISEMENT

• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol

  Fav 8 2707 1056

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person

  Fav 13 3944 1019

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (505): View more from New Mexico

  He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.

  Fav 37 4561 879

  share tweet
  

• (252): View more from North Carolina

  Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan

  Fav 46 4042 914

  share tweet
  

• (540): View more from Virginia

  Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?

  Fav 53 2082 6054

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  Reggie can tackle my bush.

  Fav 32 4620 1445

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (817): View more from Texas

  God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist

  Fav 12 1763 5720

  share tweet
  

• (442): View more from California

  While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.

  Fav 74 1704 5770

  share tweet
  

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.

  Fav 5 2316 916

  share tweet
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.

  Fav 12 821 1146

  share tweet
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.

  Fav 4 841 581

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (360): View more from Washington

  So much rum. So many feels.

  Fav 0 852 525

  share tweet
  

• (406): View more from Montana

  I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period

  Fav 7 712 1089

  share tweet
  

• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?

  Fav 1 621 461

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (317): View more from Indiana

  I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.

  Fav 0 30 4

  share tweet
  

Randomize