You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
