you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
