be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
