You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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