I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize