I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
