I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
