my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize