We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
