Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
