I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
