I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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