you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
