Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize