if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
