Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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