Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
