my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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