my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
