if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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