things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Blood and glitter go together right?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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