im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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