im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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