evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
