I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
