apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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