i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
