Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
