Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
a search helicopter?!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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