So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
