I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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