Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
