No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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