Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
