I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
