then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
