So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
