I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
