Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize