Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
