I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
