I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
