The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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