She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
be right there i have to get my cape
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
