this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
