just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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