if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm too high and old for this...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
