Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
