oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
