Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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