Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
