I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
