God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
