Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
