I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize