Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
