She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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