After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
