look no pants
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
