What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
