May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
did you just send me my own nude
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
