hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
