capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
