My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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