i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
