I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize