So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
