I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
